Pin It

Friday, February 1, 2013

Week One

Home Front: Diaries From a Vermont Military Family

Posted By on Fri, Feb 1, 2013 at 10:00 AM


It had only been one week since Matt deployed. I was doing the laundry, feeling fine — just another day at home. As I pulled dirty clothes from the basket in our bedroom, I found some of his. I lifted out the shirt he wore the day before he left. I held it up to my nose and inhaled every last breath my lungs would allow. Again. And again.

It's amazing how scent can trigger your mind. I was instantly holding him again. The tears flowed freely as I clutched the one piece of physical evidence of him that remained in the house. I couldn't bring myself to wash it. I still have it laying on my bed. His scent is starting to fade from the shirt, but I keep it there anyway.

It had only been one week. I've been apart from my husband for much longer. Six weeks was our longest separation and I made it just fine. It's not the length of time that has passed that upsets me, but the length of time still ahead. It's overwhelming. "It's too long. It's too long," my mind whines to itself.

Once a week, I allow myself an hour. I schedule my meltdown, it's true. One hour to lay in bed and cry. Get it all out. Feel the pain of missing him. Go ahead, Tasha. Feel it as deep as it goes. Let the fears overtake you for a moment. Cry about the months your family has lost together. Long for the scent from his neck and not from a dirty old shirt. And then breathe. Breathe deep and wipe the tears away. Because it's been another week and you made it. You can do one more. Again. And again.

The weeks will turn into months and before you know it, he'll be home.

Tasha Lehman
  • Tasha Lehman

Tasha Lehman is a mother of three boys living in Vermont. Her husband, Matt, is a first lieutenant in the Vermont Air National Guard who recently headed overseas for his first deployment. The “Home Front: Diaries from a Vermont military family” series chronicles their journey. Read more about their story in February’s “Use Your Words” essay.



Subscribe to this thread:

Add a comment

Readers also liked…

More by Tasha Lehman

People who saved…

camps central

Rosie’s Girls Overnight STEM Leadership Camps

Rosie’s Girls Overnight STEM Leadership Camps

Randolph Center, VT

JUNE 20-24 or JULY 11-15 FOR GIRLS ENTERING GRADES 9-10 Rosie’s Girls overnight STEM & trades Leadership Camps for girls entering 9th and 10th grades help girls connect and expand possibilities as they explore careers and experience engineering, architecture, computer science, fire science, welding, building trades and more. The camps…(more)

other camps » learn more »

Reader Reviews

  • Re: New Village Farm Camps

    Rating Star Rating Star Rating Star Rating Star Rating Star
    • Our son fell in LOVE with farming due to his amazing experience at New Village…

    • on February 24, 2017
  • Re: Audubon Vermont

    Rating Star Rating Star Rating Star Rating Star Rating Star
    • Our 2 kids have been attending Audubon Vermont's Preschool Nature Camp and Ecology Day Camp…

    • on January 19, 2017
  • Re: Camp Birch Hill

    Rating Star Rating Star Rating Star Rating Star Rating Star

    • on January 12, 2017
  • More »

Kids VT says...